Defeated

For quite a while now I've been feeling restless. I think I have gone past that to the point of just feeling defeated. It started when my application for interest relief was denied. I thought in a couple of weeks that would be resolved and life would be back to normal. 2 months later I am running out of options. If it gets denied this time around I am just screwed. I am scared to death that it will be denied. I really need that money... and feel like I am drowning in debt. I should qualify for interest relief... so why do I have to fight for it? And why has it taken this long? Now I just feel empty... I go to work, except today when I called in sick... knowing that no matter how much I make it still won't be enough. It's very stressful and very tiring. Now there is just nothing left. In 2 weeks I figure I'll have hit rock bottom. Since by then I'll already have bills that are past due plus a new round of bills... and not be able to afford either. Now if my interest relief is approved finally then I should have $700 coming back to me. Of course, if it had been approved in the first place I wouldn't be this stressed and wouldn't be behind on my bills. The agony of defeat.

The Stress of Student Loans

I am so frustrated I could cry. I won't because I'm stubborn and prefer escapism... but it has been a really long couple of weeks.... just look at the recent posts on my main page. The big one for me is the student loans. That is an instant stressor. I don't have $600 a month to pay that off... And I know I make close to the max amount to qualify. I make about $2300 gross a month. Too bad only about $1600 is take home... Just my student loan and rent would be $1346. I get pretty stressed just thinking about it. And knowing that they called is an added frustration. Now I have to call them back and fight with them some more. Then I'll probably have to send in a copy of all my pay stubs again... and eventually might get the money back from the bank... if I am lucky. I fucking hate dealing with the government on this one... And I know it's not like things at my job are going to improve and help me pay those loans off. I can't avoid them forever but I also can't afford to pay them back... Like I needed any more stress currently.