All About Self Preservation

I feel like I am the negative shadow, personality wise. Quite often when under times of stress your alter ego emerges. As of late I feel like I am fighting with everyone and everything. It has taken all my strength to get to this point and now I just feel overwhelmed.

There are so many negative forces in my life and I feel like I am swimming against the tide and as a result am drowning. Too many voices in my head, all quick to share their opinion of what I should do. But they all have their own agenda. Why can't it be about what I want and what is best for me? When did human nature become so selfish?

As part of that negative shadow I see old ways emerge. I know that I shouldn't drink... at least not to escape. All it does is bring more pain. That has been the end result and you never really escape any ways. So far I have not gone back to the self-injury although I am tempted by it.... Tempted by the release it offers and the chance to go back to being numb.

So my withdrawal into myself is about self-preservation. I don't want more "noise" or "advice" from people. I just want to survive and find a way through this. At the moment that means isolation, just me and my thoughts.