Friends

Being off work for 7 weeks has given me time to reflect on friendships. It's also revealed true friendships vs fairweather friends. Some of that was not a suprise but other people showing their support actually was surprising.

Val

No real surprises here... She's partially responsible for me being off work. Val had a breakdown as a result of me being off work (what exactly did that have to do with her?) and was told to stay away from me. In some ways that is a blessing. During the first few days off she added a great deal of stress to my life. Ever time I talk to her it's small talk and I wouldn't say she has been all that supportive. I think she is too busy playing the political game and refuses to take sides. Not that I am asking her to take my side but repeating back the same rhetoric I heard from work is not supportive and doesn't help me.

Steve

Again not really a surprise. With me being off work I see him a lot more then I normally would. While he's backed off trying to get me to sleep with him he hasn't been the most supportive. I'll be honest. I don't care about the calls he took today. I don't really want to think about work. And he's been quite vocal about his opinions of Chris. I know he wants to divide us but I've got enough to deal with. I don't need a battle with him about it, especially not one that becomes a nightly occurance. I'm off work because they think I am depressed. The best thing people can do is help me relax and take my mind off work... not try and aggravate me. Not to mention his ability to add stress to my life over the financial situation... or mentioning looking for a new place to live when I can't even pay my bills, let alone come up with last month's rent to move elsewhere.

Christie

While I have not talked to her that much during my time off she has still been supportive and offered encouragement when I needed it. That is important since a lot of people have been quite negative so it was nice to have someone that was positive.

Tammy

I'm actually surprised about how supportive Tammy has been. Sure we talk at work but I didn't figure I'd hear from her until I came back to work. I was surprised when I saw a post-it note on my door with her phone number and email address. She even sent me a virtual card which was sweet. Then she kidnapped me to give me some time away. Okay so I wasn't really kidnapped. I did have a choice. But it meant a lot to me. Even after knowing why I was off work she didn't hold it against me or judge me for it. I appreciate people that are honest with me.

Adam

The one person involved not from work (aside from family any ways). He didn't even know about it until late in my leave of absence. But he has been pretty supportive and took me out to get some fresh air. I still find it kind of weird that one of the most supportive people in my life is an ex. But I know he still cares about me... maybe even more then he wants to admit. But I can tell him just about anything and he won't hold it against me. I know he'll be honest with his opinions. He lets me vent when I need to and sometimes that's all you need.

So this has been a learning experience. Let's see what I take from it when I do return to work.

Disabilities

They call Fibromyalgia the invisible disease because you don't appear to be sick but it's still debilitating. I think that Steve has almost taken on a parenting role since I left work. I get the impression he feels like I need him to take care of me. Ideally I just need a new roommate but any ways. Maybe it's because his son is autistic... otherwise I have no idea what is up with the change in behaviour. I can take care of myself and I refuse to see myself as disabled. Probably because I refuse to accept weakness in myself. Tell me I can't do something and I will prove you wrong. I also don't want to be treated as a child and in some ways that is how I feel. I feel like that is what he is doing and while I don't think it's intentional it's still annoying.

Negative Energy

Some days I wish I could just tune everyone out... and I do mean everyone. Being on a leave of absence means I don't have to listen to as many people but there still seems to be a lot of negative energy in the people that are talking to me. Well for once my mom didn't have anything negative to say.

Dad seemed to be pushing for me to forget the doctor I now have in Peterborough and contact my aunt's doctor to see if he would accept me. How about I just stay where I am and see what happens?

Val had to keep me updated on the happenings at work. I am off work. I really don't care that the server went down for a while. Nor do I care about the peer feedbacks and scope of support. It has no bearing on my life currently. I am not there and won't be back anytime soon. It is interesting that Jarratt is covering for me while I am off but aside from that I don't want to talk about work. Every conversation seems to be the same... work... horses... my battle with the doctors... it gets repetetive. For the most part I don't even like talking to her at the moment. Then again... she also went up to one of my agents to discuss me and that still bothers me.

Then there is Steve... He is the biggest source of negative energy. I get to hear all about his calls and what's going on at work. Every day he pushes me to request a new team when I do return to work and is quite open on his dislike for Chris. I hear about it all the time. Coming from him this is nothing new but it is tiresome. I don't want to hear it. It's pointless and is nothing more then his opinion.

While I may not agree with the decision that was made to send me on an LOA it has allowed me to actually get treatment for the Fibro and the fatigue that goes with it. This has been my chance to get better and come back at 100% something I haven't been in a long time. I just want to be able to recover in peace and would rather people be positive about it. If you don't have anything good to say then don't say anything at all.

I dread him being around because it is just such a negative experience. I enjoy the time alone with just Azrael. It's the only time I get peace and quiet. No one to give their opinion on the current situation. So far the most positive person has been Tammy who sent me a get well card. It meant a lot because for once someone wasn't giving their 2 cents... just encouraged me to get better. I need more people like that. :o)

I still have three weeks to go at a minimum before I am back to work. 2 weeks until I can get Dr. Caskey to sign the medical certificate. Between now and then I would really like to isolate myself... or at least be around positive people. Negativity is not going to help me recover and feel better. Positivity is where it's at.