Towing the Company Line

I've been working at the same place for almost 4 years now. Throughout my stay there I have been towing the company line, to the best of my abilities any ways... and I just seem to get fucked for it. Don't get me wrong... I still enjoy my job... and I do stand behind the company. There are just certain things that have irked me for a while now...

The first one was a meeting I had with my then team leader, Mike and team manager. I actually had the manager say "I find you negative and unapproachable and I don't want to give you an interview". At the time I was applying for a promotion... There was a lot more to it then that but that was the part I still remember 2 years later. I had to spend the entire time just keeping my mouth shut. At the time I was one of the top agents, stats wise and from what I can tell he was the only one that held that opinion. I didn't say a word. Later on I did get an apology from another manager.

Then I ended up in the middle of a situation where a team leader was trying to make me paranoid and was telling me that various people were watching me... or were out to get my job. When HR did get involved in that one I spared my team leader from being involved. I took on the full weight myself and took the brunt of the negative reaction when the other team leader was fired. I was under orders not to say anything and I didn't.

And then there was the rape. The irony is that the only reason I was even there that night was an email that was sent company wide about Shaun's birthday. Mike was too drunk to show up for work and in spite of being on a last chance agreement kept his job. I come back to work and get hauled into an office with a team manager and HR. I got told we were being kept separate (which they have to do since there was a court order in place) and not to say anything. Mike and Shaun had a nice slander campaign going and, in the last year, I have said nothing... I have not defended myself... or spoke negatively about him. I even had the police calling work and showing up there looking for me. And still I said nothing, even when asked by my current team manager. When the charges were dropped work immediately allowed him free reign of the building. And while I agree with the decision to allow unrestricted access to the entrances I believe they should have gone farther. All I really got was a shrug of the shoulders and the attitude that it didn't happen here. Recently they moved him back to the same floor as me... and any time I have to go to the printer or go to use the washroom he is right there, in my line of sight. Maybe it's just me... but that seems a little insensitive. Every day when I am at work I have to relive the experience and be reminded of that night. I have not asked for anything... I have played the political game... I have said nothing. But is it really so much to ask that he at least be in a location where I will not see him repeatedly throughout the day? Apparantly it is....

I know it's affecting me more because this weekend was the one year anniversary. But I am also still in shock that he was moved so close to me and having a tough time with it. And after getting so many lectures about being negative I don't feel like I can say anything. I am still scared of potential repurcusions... so I tend to keep my mouth shut at all times. Or at least I try to. I'm much safer that way.