The last month or so has been quite the journey and is still far from over. Some days I wonder what this life is for and those times I usually feel like giving in. No I'm not talking about suicide. I am just sick of fighting circumstance. It's funny that I was talking about life a decade ago... since it dawned on me today that right now I feel about like I did back then. It's like I am surrounded by darkness from which there is no escape. I am control freak by nature and this is something I can't control... much like I couldn't control the abuse in the past. So I am left feeling hopeless and discouraged at the moment. I really think I am in the anger phase between denial and acceptance. I was in denial for 2 years and it's been replaced by anger. Why me? Can't anything go right? My life was fucked up before... I didn't need this too.
At least I am able to leave it at home, for the most part, and don't bring the pain and anger with me to work. Obviously I can't completely forget about it but I can focus on the job and push it out of my mind for 8.5 hours. Now if only I could shut my mind off at night as well.
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