Sadness

Today was a weird day. I didn't get as much done as I would like to. I was only able to listen to one call... an hour and a half later... That was actually draining. Maybe it was the fact it was the first time I wanted to take over the call or hang myself with the phone cable. My own calls were okay, relatively speaking. Aside from the guy that wanted to know if the local Apple store was open and when I told him he'd have to call them back he told me I could "shove it up my a**" So other then him they were okay.

As I was writing my thoughts on Balance (see the post on my other blog http://chaordstudios.blogspot.com) I felt a little sad. 'Tis the season to be melancholy I suppose... at least when you don't want to see your family for the holidays. Or maybe it was the reminder that my life has been primarily chaos. When I think back to my childhood it pains me. I still have trouble getting angry with my parents. For as much as they hurt me there is still a sense of loyalty there. At the same time it has shaped me and my world view is a little skewed. It's also a large part of the reason I am afraid to have children. I do not want to repeat the mistakes of my parents. And now I'll end this with an illustration... a life lesson I wish my parents had learned.

"There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Then it gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."