Just Say No

I've really got to learn to say no... Somehow that word just doesn't seem to be in my vocabulary. Why am I a doormat all the time. I allow people to take advantage of me, sometimes at great cost. Right now is a really good example. I want the apartment to myself. Tristan is just sponging off me and things just don't change... one excuse after another. This time it was that he ran into someone he owed money to (is there anyone in Peterborough that he doesn't owe money to?) so he paid him. That's why he couldn't buy groceries. So instead he has been eating all my food and just apologizing for it later. He still owes me $300 from 6 months ago. And right now I would just like him to buy his own groceries... I had bought what I needed for my vacation and now I need to buy more. And I need to go on a Coke run somehow but can't exactly carry it. I'm scared to cook dinner since I know I am just going to wind up feeding him to.

The bigger concern is the fatigue. Since he has to wake up so early he goes to bed before I do. The only way to accomodate that was to share my bed... and as I got to remember this week I don't do well with that. I really don't sleep and wind up like a zombie. It's tough to get out of bed and go to work. Then when I get to work I am irritable because I really need sleep. And no end in sight.

I know what I need to do but am having trouble doing it. I know I need to get him to leave... before he never does. But, despite the cost it is having on me I am having trouble saying no. I want to help people.

Okay we don't need to discuss the role of the enabler... and how detrimental that is... since we are responsible for ourselves. I am not responsible for Tristan... or for my family. I am only responsible for myself. While I want to just keep the status quo and not cause anyone pain... I am only hurting myself. At the same time I can't force someone to live on the streets... so what the hell am I supposed to do?