Daily Reminder

For anyone that might have seen this bracelet and wondered why I wear it... since it's just a cheap bracelet... it's my daily reminder that I am still alive. It also reminds me of the pain of living. Most importantly, it's a reminder that the self-injury is in recovery.

Most people believe it is really easy to just give up. Why would you intentionally hurt yourself? But it's an addictive behaviour and it's effective. It's not an easy road, especially at the moment.

But I have now given myself permission to use the self-injury if I need to in order to survive. I'm not saying that I am going back to it. It's been over a year now :o) But if I am not doing it to appease someone (Val) and not for myself then it's not benefitting me. All that means is that she is controlling the behaviour. I'm not perfect. I am going to fail at some point. Life on my terms... Hopefully I can continue to find other ways to cope... but anyone that wants to stop me can go to hell. I'm not trying to be harsh there. But the people that try and stop me have no problem with me drinking to the point of alcohol poisoning... or starving myself.... yet these are more dangerous then cutting myself ever will be.

Recovery does not imply perfection and no slip-ups. It's fantastic that it has been over a year but it's been over a year for the wrong reasons. I am tempted probably every single day... especially right now as I try to come to terms with my life and the abuse. If anyone wants to hate me or judge me if I do back to it... feel free. I can guarantee that I'll have a few issues with myself as it is. But remember, it's not your life... you do not control me... and we all have our negative ways of coping. So if you plan on condemning me for it... or reminding me of how bad it is (trust me I already know) then you better be offering suggestions on other ways to cope and you better have the time to hear me out.