Therapy

I went to the chiropractor's today. I love Charlene although it's weird... she can read me better then most people I know. I don't even have to say anything and she knows whether it's a good day... bad day.... something major going on... She also does a good job working on my back but it's kind of scary how she can read me. But this is how the first 5 minutes or so went...

C - So did you get the results from the blood tests yet?
M - Yes I did
C - Well...
M - The platelet count is back to normal. The white blood cell count is a little low but the doctor wasn't too concerned about it.
C - The red blood cell count, is that still low?
M - That count cam back fine all three times.
C - So whatdo they think it is?
M - No idea. They seem to think I'm fine.
C - Amazing how they go from thinking the bone marrow may not be producing blood cells to you're healthy. You had me scared.
M - Me too
C - I was thinking I was going to have to drive you to Kingston or something.
C - With the suppressed immune system do you think it might be chronic stress?
M - Maybe... Stress... what stress?
C - I was thinking family stress
M - Oh you mean like my mother arguing with me about driving up to Scarborough the night before.
C - Are you serious?
M - Yep. She brought me to tears. It was impressive actually.
C - Ever thought about going to see a counsellor?
M - Hmm... last time I went to see one they just wanted to talk about my ex and how he was feeling
C - Okay a good one....

I'll leave out the rest of the conversation... but I thought it was interesting. I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks. The last few times I've been in it has been about the doctors and whether or not there has been any news. My family hasn't been a topic of conversation in quite a while... so why now? Shows just how well she can read me.

And as far as therapy goes... I know what's wrong with me. What, is it going to turn into a repeat of "Good Will Hunting" with them saying, "It's not your fault." I know it's not. I also know how to work the system. I was in mandatory counselling back when I was in high school. I let them believe things were going well and never really got anywhere. I know you're supposed to be honest when in therapy... but I do't even trust my friends and keep them at a distance. So why would I just open up to a therapist? I still have that protective shell. I don't talk about me. At least not about anything serious. I don't want anyone to see the emotion... and I don't want to feel it. So yes therapy would probably be beneficial... assuming that I could allow myself to be honest and trust that person... not something that comes easy to me.