The Path We Choose

It's always nice when mindless entertainment can actually make you think about life. Life is all about choices. I was watching "Dog, the Bounty Hunter" and they were hunting down a 24 year old stripper. She came from an abusive background and ended up as a stripper because it was a way out and there is lot of money involved. But in the end she lost custody of her son and was going to be doing hard time. Part of me feels bad for the situation she is in. But at the same time, she made those choices.

I came from a shit background too... and so did a lot of people I know. But none of us are in jail... or have been in jail... I think any ways. I could be wrong. It all comes down to what choices you make. I still remember the day I graduated from university. I was talking to my best friend while growing up, Kim. No one was able to attend since my parents were out in BC. She told me I should have let her know and she would've come down. At that point she finally told me that she wasn't even sure I would make it out of high school.

I've changed a lot since then. Yeah I still have the chip on my shoulder but that is something I am working on. My parents still deny that there was anything wrong so I end up feeling conflicted. Part of me still has a sense of loyalty and like most abused children continue to hold the family secret. Working on forgiveness and choosing to move past it. Not easy when that is your world view and all you've ever known. But there was a time period when I didn't give a damn about anything. I could die tomorrow and I didn't care. That almost happened with my head injury. I was also a cutter. I couldn't deal with emotions so I projected it outwards, onto the flesh. I still don't deal well with emotions but I am getting better.

I chose to finish my education. A good friend of mine, on the other hand, was doing time shortly after he turned 18. My dad said that Al tried to turn his life around but no one would give him a chance. Every day we make choices. They won't always be the right ones but we do choose the path that is before us.

Heather