Tough Times

I'm really starting to hate karma... whatever happened to good times? Haven't seen too many of those in a long time. And after my post, "Denial" the comment was that depression would be understandable. Then after "Fibromyalgia & Depression" the comment was that if I am not depressed then it must be Seasonal Affective Disorder. How about we follow what I said in "Labels" and just not label it. Call it what it is... a rough period. We all have bad times.

Don't put me in a box and call it depression. Then I'm just going to see everything through those eyes and take on that persona. I don't need medication... therapy maybe... but I don't want the label, 'cuz that's all it is.

I've never been the happy-go-lucky person. It's not who I am. But how chipper would you be with all the shit I've gone through in the last year? My relationship with Adam ended and I spent the next three months in constant fear for my life. Looking back I'm not sure how much of that was justified and how much was someone else's paranoia. That's really draining. And the hits continued throughout the year. According to the rumours at work I can get someone fired. Then I ended up being part of a criminal case and the rumours at work continued. I had my bank account cleaned out. After that my second relationship ended because of deception. Tristan and I didn't get back together because of the stalker. And that situation has been intensifying over the last few months to the point where I barely leave the house. If you had gone through that in a year how happy would you be? If that wasn't enough there has been a cognitive deterioration... some days I feel like I have Alzheimers. For someone that relies on intellect and reason the thought of losing those abilities is terrifying.

Maybe it is depression... maybe it's seasonal affective disorder... or maybe I am just having a tough time where nothing has gone right. Imagine that. I need better ways to cope... I don't deny that. I tend to keep it inside until I can't any more. But I don't believe adding the label of depression will make it any better.